Sunday, September 23, 2012

MOUF BREAVIN'

1993 Upper Deck #109 Mark Lemke

FUCKING LIKE, TO QUOTE NOAH VANDERHOFF, WHAT AM I LOOKING AT HERE? IS THIS SOME SORT OF VARIATION ON AN ADULT-ORIENTED MAKE-A-WISH FOUNDATION ENTERPRISE THAT STARTED AT PLAYING CATCH WITH A THEN-LIVING MICKEY MANTLE AND THEN GOT TALKED DOWN TO A FEW PRE-GAME ON-FIELD MOMENTS WITH RONNIE BELLIARD, OR IS THIS AN HONEST-TO-GOD MAJOR LEAGUER GONE ORIENS GAMMA IVB THREAT LEVEL DONKEY? 'CAUSE FUCKING TELL ME WHICH ONE IT IS, 'CAUSE I'M CONCERNED FOR THE WELL-BEING OF ALL INVOLVED. THIS MAN-CHILD'S GOT A BIT OF THE DEVIL IN HIM, AND WE'VE GOT TO CONTAIN IT.






READY THE DROOL CUP.





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Monday, September 10, 2012

OL' DWIPPHY

1986 Donruss #416 Steve Crawford

HEY.
HEY HEY.

HEYHEYHEYHEYHEY MAN, YOU WANNA DO SOME COKE?

HELL YEAH I CAN GIVE YOU A FEW GOOD REASONS WHY. AT SOME POINT DURING THE COKE DOING I AM GOING TO REMOVE MY SHIRT. WELL, FIRST MY JERSEY AND THEN MY UNDERSHIRT. I CAN GUARANTEE YOU THAT WHEN I REMOVE MY SHIRT IT'S GOING TO MAKE A SOUND. LIKE AN AUDIBLE SOUND. IT MIGHT NOT COME OFF MY BODY IN ONE FLUENT MOVEMENT, AND IT MIGHT ACTUALLY GET STUCK SOMEWHERE AROUND MY SHOULDERS, BUT IT WILL EVENTUALLY COME OFF, AND IT WILL MAKE AN AUDIBLE SOUND, KIND OF LIKE A FRUIT ROLL-UP TYPE OF SOUND.

WHEN WE DO THE COKE YOU CAN ALSO HAVE PART OF MY SANDWICH. I HAVE THIS CANVAS YELLOW PAGES TOTE BAG THAT I THROW A SANDWICH OR TWO IN AT THE BEGINNING OF EACH WEEK. IT'S THE SAME BAG MY STEPSON PUTS HIS BEACH TOYS IN WHEN WE GO TO THE BEACH, AND I DON'T HAVE ANY OF THOSE WATCHAMACALLIT BAGGIE THINGS. IF THERE'S ONLY ONE SANDWICH AND NOT TWO, YOU CAN HAVE THREE OR FOUR BITES OF MINE AFTER I HAVE THREE OR FOUR BITES.




FUCK IT'S HOT OUT HERE TODAY.



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